Posted by: lexyknits | December 7, 2007

On Bravery

Last night my mom did something really brave. She told a friend “Jane” something unpleasant that she needed to hear. I don’t mean something unpleasant like “You’ve let yourself go” or “No one will be attracted to you if you look like that”. Rather it was regarding this Jane’s partner who attacked her.

My mom was afraid to to talk to Jane because she didn’t want her to think she was judging her or telling her how to live her life or that my mom was putting her nose where it didn’t belong.

To which I* reply HOOIE! It is universally okay to butt into your friends lives when they are actually in danger. This man, who promised to love and cherish Jane above all other women, COULD HAVE KILLED HER. This is a perfect example of when it is acceptable to give unsolicited advice.

So my mom did. She called Jane up and talked to her seriously about what had happened. And Jane thanked her. She said no one had put it that way and she appreciated the honesty and candor.

I don’t know what’s going to happen with her. I don’t know if her husband will be successfully treated for alcoholism, if they will be a happy non-violent nuclear family again, or if this is the last straw that it should be (In my extremely humble opinion natch) and their lives will never be the same. I don’t know if they’ll have Christmas together this year, or ever again. All I know is I’m very proud of my mom for standing up for her friend to her friend and doing something really brave.

Yay go mom.

*So that you don’t think I’m just some random person with another opinion but no practical experience, I volunteered for a long time for a women’s crisis line and was an emergency assitant at a domestic violence shelter. I’m not an expert but I’ve met a lot more survivors of domestic violence in the context of their domestic violence than most people, I imagine. (BTW you have all met survivors of domestic violence, and you have all met batterers, and isn’t that a little bit scary?)


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